Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
