Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
