is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
