i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
