You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
