i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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