And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
