jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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