You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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