Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She bit a glass in half.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
