Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
there is glitter all over my balls
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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