I am puke
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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