Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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