Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
