Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
