someone threw a dead crab at me
Don't make out with my wife yet
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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