When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
