Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
