wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
where are my eyebrows?
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