I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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