remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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