apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
