Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
