i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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