Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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