i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
