i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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