there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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