Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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