This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
