He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
