It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Im part way to drunk.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
