Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
