Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can you bring me the toilet please
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
