i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
