I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
