Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
