Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
