Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
