I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
