you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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