I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
