saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
