I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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