I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
