wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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