2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
