I wish I could punch you in the face.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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