I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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