she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
