didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When did angry sex become our thing?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
