Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
