The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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