U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
